You'll Shoot an Eye Out!

Anthony Tyler lost his eye in an accident. Please help him by donating toward his surgery: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/take-his-aaaaye-patch/x/885353

Okay, we have all seen the movie, and we all laugh when little Ralphie _thought_ that he really shot his eye out. Personally, having watched the movie as a kid and then ran out into the woods to play with my BBGun, I have also always been a bit worried about losing an eye (thanks a lot Hollywood for putting the fear into me!). What would it be like to lose an eye? What about both?

Zedekiah was the last king of Judah, and he had both of his eyes put out by the Babylonians. I can't imagine how this must have been. Read this: "And they slew the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes, and put out the eyes of Zedekiah, and bound him in fetters, and carried him to Babylon" (2 Kgs 25:7).

Recently a very close friend "shot his eye out." Well, he didn't really shoot it out, he was actually doing everything correctly, but as he was approaching the firing line at a shooting range (in the process of putting his eye protection on), a casing from another person's gun flew back and hit his eyelid - causing the retina to detach. He is now facing a $15,000 surgery that his insurance won't pay for. He is attempting to raise only $5,000, but I have confidence in the G+ community that we can get him all the way to $15,000 ... this is what we do; we network and work together. (So please donate and share the link. I donated $40 this morning, and I am an extremely poor PhD student with a family of 7 who has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from the war ... you have no excuse, lol!) Okay, at a minimum, donate $20 and get a free online backup account for one year. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/take-his-aaaaye-patch/x/885353

Back to Zedekiah, what brought on the eye gauging event? He revolted and allied himself with Egypt. According to the Babylonian Chronicles (Chronicle 5), "The seventh year: In the month Kislev the king of Akkad mustered his army and marched to Hattu. He encamped against the city of Judah and on the second day of the month Adar he captured the city (and) seized (its) king. A king of his own choice he appointed in the city (and) taking the vast tribute he brought it into Babylon." So, the question is raised ... why on earth would anyone revolt against this powerful empire?!?!?!?

We really need to put this into perspective. There were three (possibly four) deportations by the Babylonians: 605BC, 598BC, and 586BC (the possible fourth was a smaller deportation not mentioned in the scriptures and occurring after the destruction of the temple). This places about seven years between the first two and twelve years between the last two. ... That's a long time between the second and third deportations ... plenty of time for Zedekiah to start feeling strong.

Yeah, but why rebel? Why not just pay the tribute? That's a silly question to ask a bunch of Americans! They rebelled because they wanted to! But we also need to understand a little about the Babylonians.

The Babylonians were different than the Assyrians (the previous great threat). The Assyrians were mean, and the Babylonians were mean. The Assyrians were powerful, and the Babylonians were powerful. The Assyrians ran a well oiled governmental, administrative machine ... but the Babylonians were just, well, pirates. (Look I'm bringing the eye patch back into it! Oh yeah!)

What do I mean? When the Babylonians conquered the Assyrians, they just took over the Assyrians' administrative system, but they didn't really run it ... they didn't want to. To the Babylonians, there is only one great place on Earth - Babylon. This is the oldest and therefore greatest place on the planet (Nebi-K actually stamped some bricks in an archaic script just to make the buildings look older!), and the Babylonians wanted nothing more than to seize wealth and bring it back to Babylon (they weren't interested in what happened elsewhere - so long as the money kept flowing in).

So here are the Judahites sitting scared in Judah. "Don't mess with us or we'll be back!" the Babylonians say, but then ... nothing but crickets. The Babylonians were smart enough to set up a puppet king, but beyond that, they were eating, drinking, and making merry back home. After the first victory, eventually the Judahites rebelled, and they were squashed. Now, Jeremiah keeps saying their coming back, but where are they? Welllllll, I don't see them on the horizon. What if we link ourselves with Egypt? That'll help, right?

Of course we know the story. The Babylonians eventually did come back and swept the land clean, destroying the temple in the process. I can hear Zedekiah's mother right now, "Zedi! Don't you rebel; you'll shoot an eye out!' ... He should have listened.

_Hey, all, please help out my good friend and fellow brother in Christ. I believe in the power of prayer, and I am praying that you all will reach deep into your pockets and help this very worthy cause - a brother in need. You don't have to give much if you don't have it, and you can give via PayPal for security. Check out the perks (I ordered a T-Shirt). I highly recommend the online backup service for $20. That is unlimited data and an unlimited number of computers ... very awesome deal._ http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/take-his-aaaaye-patch/x/885353

What Shall We Do with a Drunken Sailor? Early in the Morning.

Mendable amphora found at Kourion, Cyprus; Photo by Justin Singleton (2013)

I know what you're thinking about that title. You're thinking, "WHA?!?!"

See the picture? Isn't it pretty? This is an amphora that I found floating in my square this past summer. I saw floating because it wasn't resting on the floor of the room; instead, it was just in the dirt somewhere between the floor and topsoil. This means that someone must have simply thrown this beauty out at some point (we never found the whole thing, so maybe it was busted).

Amphora were used to transport and store all kinds of different products, both dry and liquid, but they were used mostly for wine. (Ah, now the title might make sense?) ... Okay, hold that thought.

Now I want to pick you up and transfer you over to a buddy of mine named Danel. Danel lived in the ancient times, and he was quite upset because he didn't have a son. We find his story in the ancient Canaanite story of Aqhat or Belonging to Aquat. As we read, we find that Danel performed a ritual called incubation (talking with the gods through dreams), and on the seventh day he finally got word from them.

What did Danel want? He wanted a son, an heir. This is actually where the story ends for my purposes, but just to give you some closure, Aquat is born, given a special bow by the craftsman of the gods, Anat sees it and wants it but Aquat won't give it, so Anat kills him. ... Fun stuff, eh?

Here is what I found simply fascinating. When the desire to have a son is described, here are the words used:

"Let him have a son in his house,
    an heir inside his palace,
to set up a stela for his divine ancestor,
    a votive marker for his clan in the sanctuary;
to send his incense up from the earth,
    the song of his burial place from the dust;
to shut the jaws of his abusers,
    to drive off his oppressors;
to hold his hand when he is drunk,
    to support him when he is full of wine;
to eat his grain-offering in the temple of Baal,
    his portion in the temple of El;
to patch his roof when it gets muddy,
    to wash his clothes when they get dirty."

These same lines are referenced about three or four times in the story, showing the emphasis that is here. Some of these lines may not make sense to my readers here, but the overall idea is that a son's duty is to take care of his aging father.

A few years back, my two oldest sons (then about 7 and 9) were arguing terribly. As I tried to figure out what was going on, I found out that they were arguing about whose house I would live in when I am old. Alex (the oldest) said that since he was the oldest then I have to live with him, but Isaac didn't want to give up his chance to take care of me. (Mama might have been mentioned, but I don't remember, lol.) I ended the fight by saying that perhaps Mama and I could travel back and forth between all the kids houses so that everyone could take care of us.

If you have't guessed it, we have tried to secure within them the idea that children of responsibilities for their parents, and that we can't forget our parents when they are old and fragile. Here in the story above, Aqhat is supposed to help Danel through many difficulties, but also to remember him when he is gone (and moved on to be one of the deified ancestors). What I found fascinating, though, was the reference to drinking. A son is not only supposed to care for his aging father, but he is supposed to care for his imbecilic father as well, to the point of both helping him walk when he is drunk and shutting the mouths (with his fist?) of those who talk bad about him.

We seem to forget that we, as children, have responsibilities like this. Yes, I know that these are not biblical truths here (they are cultural), but there is some truth hidden within. As a matter of fact, I think it is this cultural norm that was violated in the story of Noah and Ham.

If you remember, Noah was dead drunk; Noah went to his tent, was overheated from the wine, and so he stripped naked. Ham "saw his father’s nakedness" and told his brothers. There is a lot of debate about what that means. Did he have sex with Noah (unlikely)? Did he have sex with Noah's wife/his mother (also unlikely)? Or did he just view Noah's nakedness (most likely)? Whatever happened, he then turns and tells his brothers all about it. "Hey, bros, did you see dad? He is passed out drunk in his tent" (slapping his thigh and laughing). Later, Noah learned what Ham had done (maybe his others sons told him?), and he cursed Ham's descendant because of it. [Side note: we don't often understand how serious a crime it is to view the nakedness of another because in our society nakedness is the norm. See my study on nakedness.]

What did he do wrong? Well, think about what he SHOULD have done. It is a child's duty to care for his father when he is old, sick, or drunk. Ham didn't do this. Instead, Ham blabbed about it, making his father out to be a mockery.

If you really think about it, how much do our children know about us? (Scary thought, eh?) Granted, we need to be working with our children so that they understand the things we do, and we need to avoid doing things that would make us look bad in their eyes, but we also need to instill upon them the sense of loyalty to their family. If I get the flu and mess my pants, I don't need my sons running down the street and telling everyone. Could you imagine the next time I stood up to teach or preach? "Hey look, there's that guy that messed himself. I bet that was difficult to clean up!" ... No, my son's should help me through, clean me up, and keep my honor intact.

Okay, so NOW the title makes sense! Eh? Eh?

Goliath! You beastly devil!

Grave of a Bedouin slave; Photo by Justin Singleton (2009)

What do you know about David and Goliath? I'm sure you remember the story. I remember the story! Actually, I remember that when I was a wee lad of maybe 8 years old, there was a really big kid who threatened me. What did I do? I quoted David. "You come to me with a spear and a shield, but I come to you in the name of the Lord!" ... If I remember correctly, I didn't get beat up, so it must have worked, lol.

There is actually a lot of controversy surrounding David, especially since there are so many pictures being circulated around social media - pictures of giants in graves, etc. (I have attached a picture of one of the graves I dug - no he isn't a giant.)

Let me first point out that all of those images you see of giants in graves from around the world are fake. I'm sorry if I have just destroyed a pet of yours, but they are all very much fake. We have never, to my knowledge, found a giant skeleton. Just to point out one more thing, the giants in those images are far greater than Goliath anyway ... many of the images floating around show "giants" of around 20-30 feet!

So, was Goliath not real then? I didn't say that. Goliath was real, but I would argue that some of what we might believe about Goliath is just our fantasy.

For example, the first thing you need to get out of your head is the idea that Goliath was a "giant." Okay, yes, he was a giant, but that isn't the point. A better way to think of it wasn't that he was a giant but that he was gigantic! Goliath wasn't a monster, he was a really big boy! How big was he? That depends. Note first that the average height of a man at this time was somewhere around 5 1/2 feet (my height - rather short). Saul  stood, according to 1 Sam 9:2, "head and shoulders above all the people" (so, maybe 6 feet?). David, according to some, was probably about 5'3", but I don't have a problem placing him at the 5'6" average. That said, he wasn't a little scrawny kid. David was killing fierce animals, his oldest brother was a fierce warrior, so he had it in his genes.

Okay, so how tall was Goliath? Don't kill me! Probably about 6 1/2 - 7 feet. Yes, I know you are used to reading 9'9" ("six cubits and a span"), but there is some good manuscript evidence to support the reading "four cubits and a span" (some Greek witnesses, Josephus, and a manuscript of 1 Samuel from Qumran).

Now, let me back track a bit. Even though I think Goliath was only about seven feet tall, I could be wrong. I have no problem placing him at 9 feet ... it doesn't hurt the story either way. Also, there is textual evidence from Egypt (the Egyptian letter on Papyrus Anastasi 1 states, "The(?) narrow defile is infested(?) with Shosu concealed beneath the bushes; some of them are of four cubits or of five cubits, from head(??) to foot(?)").

Why doesn't it hurt the story? Because his height isn't the only thing mentioned. Remember, this Goliath was a Philistine warrior. Whether he was actually a Philistine or not is somewhat debated, but at the very least he was fighting with the Philistines. His helmet was a Philistine bronze helmet, his scaled body armor sounds very much like the well-known Egyptian armor weighing over 125 pounds (I wore body armor in Iraq weighing around 80-90 lbs - and I could barely move). Actually, this kind of armor is described in the Nuzi texts as having anywhere from 700-1,000 bronze scales of different sizes. Goliath's greaves were probably Mycenaean, made of molded bronze and surrounding the entire calf. He also had  scimitar (NIV: javelin), which was a curved sword used by Egyptians and Canaanites. His shield was not the type of shield we see the Philistines using two centuries earlier, but this was probably simply adopted over time. Finally, his spear was special because it had an iron tip. Everything he had was bronze, except his spear. (Iron was hard to come by, and pretty much only the Philistines had it at this time.)

This description of Goliath's weapons and armor probably just makes the modern reader think, Yup, he's a warrior, but to the ancient reader, it would have done more than that. You see, in these times, there were quite a few "champion" combats. Individual battles are know from Egypt on the Beni Hassan tomb painting (I wrote about that not too long ago) and in the Egyptian tale of Sinuhe. We find it depicted on a Canaanite vase from around this time. We also know that the Mycenaeans fought in this style (think of the Iliad, Hector against Ajax, Paris against Menelaus). There is a relief found at Tell Halaf that shows two combatants thrusting swords into each other.

What happens in these champion combats is that when one warrior wins, he typically takes a trophy from the loser (armor, sword, whatever). So, think about this with me. Here was have a gigantic man who is probably a Canaanite wearing a Philistine helmet and greaves, but carrying Egyptian armor and sword. ... This sin't just a warrior ... this is a hero! This guy has fought these types of individual "champion" combats before, and he has won! This is not David meets a giant, this is David meets Royce Gracie mixed with Bruce Lee mixed with André the Giant. ... But, God is victorious through David.